The School Supply Test

My oldest is starting kindergarten this year, so I am venturing into the land of school supplies. Holy cow, people! Holy. Cow.

I picked up my kid's school supply list, and about fell over. In addition to the pencils and glue I remember, I need three different types of construction paper in multiple sizes for each, Ziploc baggies, and hand sanitizer. These are the three things that I cannot wrap my mind around.

Let's start with the construction paper, shall we? I understand that small children need construction paper, and lots of it, but the variety is killing me. Is it too simple for me to just buy construction paper ... normal sized? I didn't even know that there were that many sizes of construction paper. Does 12x20 even exist? It's enough to make me crazy! I shouldn't have to go to an art supply store to get supplies for my kindergartner. Maybe it's a test for me as a parent. Like, if I actually track all this stuff down, do they know I'll be a sucker for putting together flip books or prepping egg cartons for a ladybug craft or something? "Hey, Sharon, this mom found everything! Even the impossible it's-only-available-from-Europe-on-special-order 12x20 inch multi-colored construction paper which includes the hard-to-find magenta paper! Call her ... we need 100 dozen gluten-free, nut-free cookies for our back-to-school bash .. tomorrow!" Ugh ... maybe I should lower the bar just a little. I'm onto your trick, kindergarten teachers, and I'm not falling for it. You'll get your paper, but it will be a slightly off 12x18 instead. That way you'll know that I'm willing to help out, but not on an Overachieving Mom level.

Next up ...Ziplock baggies. I'm very confused by this one. Maybe an elementary teacher can clue me in because while I understand needing a box or two for the year, why in the world do you need 20 boxes? What could you possibly be planning to do with that many gallon-sized Ziplock bags? I'm trying to come up with a list of things, but I've only been able to think of one: you are going to send home the students' crafts all nestled in a protective barrier. I'll tell ya' what ... my kid won't bring bags, and I'll sign a waiver recognizing that there may be some collateral damage to her crafts projects between the classroom and my car ... crushing incidents, leaking thermos, rips ... I'll risk it.

Finally, hand sanitizer. I recognize that kids are gross, messy, sticky, dirty, germy creatures. I have two of them ... they are disgusting, and I can only imagine what horrors they are carrying around on their nasty little hands. I understand the need to own copious amounts of anything anti-bacterial with all those icky kids running around. But 40 bottles?!?! You need 40 bottles? I'm thinking 5 for the year. Put out a call to PTA or give a list of "a few extra things I wish I had" to the parents at meet the teacher night. I'll be one of five parents who gets you a big ol' bottle, but I'm a little weirded out by the 40 bottles you want. What, exactly, are you planning on doing - bathing the kids in it? It's a little disturbing.

I've looked ahead, and the lists get a little more "normal" as the grade level increases. There is hope on the horizon, y'all. There is hope.