Substitutes and Threats

It's 10am on a Thursday, and I am home with one sick kid and one bored, stir-crazy kid. So far this week I have missed two days of school, and before Tuesday, I will miss another day and a half because the girl is getting an insulin pump. (Whoot! Whoot!)

Yesterday I broke the news to my double blocked (read: I have them for two straight hours), low babies that I would possibly not see them again until Tuesday, and I could see it: the maniacal gleam in their eyes that screams, "SUBSTITUTE! For three days!!" I'm pretty sure I laughed a small, hysterical laugh as I realized that some unsuspecting substitute was about to be pushed to the brink of insanity.

I have a high regard for substitutes  They enter a classroom, get about 30 minutes to familiarize themselves with a plan which may require anything from monitoring a test to teaching a full-on lesson, and start greeting classes, which may or may not be full of total jerks. While some are horrible (I had one poke a student with a cane, another throw her keys at the kids' heads to get their attention, and one who fell asleep), most are fantastic teachers who really do deserve their own classroom, and they put up with a lot of crap from a roomful of kids.

So I spent the next ten minutes laying out clear, non-negotiable expectations for their behavior over the next three days, threatening them within an inch of their existence if they didn't behave, and reminding them that substitutes are temporary ... my return is always eminent, my punishments always matching the crime. The gleam dimmed, but I always worry when it doesn't totally go away. If the sub has my personality, she should be fine. Otherwise, it may be ugly on Tuesday ...

An Open Letter to a Student

Dear Student-
You have committed so many indiscretions lately that you are unsure why you are being called to the assistant principal's office. Perhaps it is time to re-evaluate your choices in life. Maybe that's just me talking (I mean, what do I know? I'm in my 30s!!!), but I would think it was time for some heart-to-heart talking with myself if I were in your shoes. Here are some suggestions I have for how you could better use your free time:

1. Read a book
2. Study for a quiz
3. Do a crossword puzzle
4. Try to solve the issue of world hunger
5. Help a friend with his work (help ... don't give answers!)
6. Count the tiny holes in the ceiling
7. Complete some of your homework
8. Plan out your schedule for how you're going to get all of your end-of-grading-period projects done
9. Write a letter to the president airing out a grievance
10. Translate the pledge of allegiance into another language

Love,
Mrs. Edwards