What's in a Name?

I'm good with names. Really good. I can look at a list of 1,000 children's names and pick out my 120 students in a flash. I remember the names of many of the people I graduated high school with or went to college with. I remember the names of the kids from the neighborhood where I grew up, and I remember the names of way too many of my former students.

I'm good with faces. I see a face and I know that I know that person. I can identify my students in the halls by sight only a few days into the school year. That kid right there ... he's a student at this school and he is in the second row of my seventh period class.

Put the two together, though, and it is a disaster. Today, for example, I said "Good morning, Alex." Seemingly harmless ... except the kid's name is Adam ... and I have three Adams in this particular class so, really, you'd think the odds of getting this particular name correct would be great. But no ... Alex it was. I did the same thing to Jennifer (actually Lesly), Ale (her name was actually ALSO Leslie), and Johnathan (nope, Paul). I also keep calling our daytime janitor Jose, but, alas, his name is Juan. So. Unbelievably. Embarrassing.

Oh, and it's already the fifth week of school (which means I've actually been around Juan for six weeks) which makes me a regular lame-wad.

Once I learn a name and match it to a face, it doesn't stick forever. It lasts as long as we are in close proximity and talking on a daily basis, and then it's gone. My former students come back, and I can picture them sitting in my classroom, but I cannot remember who they are. So I'm all, "Heeeeeyyyyy (insert awkward pause here) you!" And then I want to die because, for the life of me, I honestly cannot remember their names. I am running through the list of former students in my head, but the match, the all important match, cannot be made.

I'm also that annoying person who can't concentrate on the movie she's watching because I've recognized an actor on the screen but can't think of his name. So I finally have to pause the movie and go look it up on IMDB while  you wait patiently on the couch. And that's at home ... it's really bad in a movie theatre.

I see my co-teachers calling their students by name somewhere around the second week of school. It is depressing that it's going to be another month or so until I can join them. The name thing is a huge handicap as a teacher. It is difficult to count a kid tardy when you're having to glance around the room and try to remember what the late child was wearing, then match that kid to the seating chart. It is difficult to correct behavior in transit in the hall when you have to call a kid out by the shoes he's wearing ("Hey, Nike-wearing kid ... no ... the one behind you ... yeah, you ... knock it off!" - so not effective!!). It is difficult to praise kids or acknowledge kids or be around them when you have to use pronouns all the time.

I do apologize to the kids the first day. I know this is a problem I have. But it is a problem I have with confidence. When I do call a child by the wrong name, it is not a question, it is not a guess, it is right ... that is his name, whether it actually is or not. And if he doesn't correct me, it will be his name for all eternity. Because once I learn a name, I won't forget it ... until we don't talk daily ... and then I'll have no idea who you are anymore.